Udaan or Balika Badhu? Who is the role model NOW?

Now that I am off my hectic work schedules and irregular hours, needless to say, most of my time is spent reading, writing or merely working out.  Basically living life on my terms. I know many would find that problematic! But anyhow...

So here I was  sitting and  chatting  with my sister who surprised all of us with a visit from Bombay. She is short tempered but always manages to have a valid reason for her anger. (And that is not an excuse, especially when I am at the receiving end of things most of the times.) 


Her anger this time was directed towards the quality of TV serials that happened to be on air on various channels.

These are definitely some confusing if not interesting times that we are living in. On one hand we are talking of compulsory education for all children, we also are talking of women's reservation bill. And most importantly we are making sure that no child gets through primary or secondary school without having written a rather lengthy essay on the 'New Age Indian Woman!!!'


So what happens after that? Suddenly the entire population starts seeing the New age woman in Anandi? (Balika Badhu child star). Honestly! The Tulsis' and the Aparnas' of the world did not trouble me as much as these under aged child protagonists do. We all know that child marriage is an issue, we all agreed long time back that this is a social evil. So what exactly does the production houses hope to achieve by putting up a sloppy version of this twisted reality? 

Following the bandwagon are half a dozen shows on various entertainment channels dealing with a similar issue of marriage in the garb of trying to come out with a solution. What I don't understand is what happened to small town girls like Kalyani from the serial Udaan? She did not have to wear heavy make-up, chanderi saaris or for that matter of fact designer bindis? And she got her point across rather strongly. We learnt the importance of education, self-respect etc, etc...

I am not saying that social evils will disappear on their own if you don't talk about it. But can someone convince me that this is the only way to deal with child marriage, female-foeticide  and other existing evils??? And if so, how is it helping? By merely putting a disclaimer that these practices by no means are celebrated by the channel does not makes it go away!


As a child, I know for a fact that I did not have clarity of thoughts. If I saw Kalyani, the protagonist who was strong, hard working and committed to her cause, I believed that was the only way to grow up! I wanted to be someone like her. I wanted my father to be very very proud of me. 

What are the little girls of our times aspiring to be? Anandi? Ikcha? Or do the creators of these  serials expect  children to have the maturity and the understanding of an adult to deal with entertainment without taking it too seriously?


You dress up an under age girl. You give her fancy jewellary, great clothes and not nag her with school lessons! What you have created is not a protagonist but a virtual nightmare for mothers all over the country! Just take a look at some of the names of these serials, 'Peehar', 'Hamari Devrani', 'Choti Bahu', 'Sajan Ghar Jana hai', 'Geet Hui sabse  parayi'! I can go on and on. How liberating are these titles? And what can we possibly hope to learn or teach with the help of these great work of art??

Are you telling me that girls growing up in small towns and villages are supposed to make these  their role model?


Most of us believe that the younger generation is always a step ahead of its previous one. But I am rather ashamed to say that we as a generation have proved this to be wrong at least in the case of quality entertainment. Rather than focusing on child marriage and only marriage as the main goal of a growing up girl, I am sure we can show much more that will prove to be beneficial to them. 


Just by making a face over the hideous 'K' serials won't do! Or saying that our children understand the difference also won't take away the larger responsibility that we all have towards the children growing up in the midst of this high level drama!
These are the times when melodrama and nonsensical emotions are merely a remote control away. Switch on anything from news to entertainment. And you have the level of drama that one only saw in yesteryear Hindi films!


It's a pity that when science and technology has progressed so much. And our reach to anything is not limited, we are still hell bent in living inside our smelly and obscure closet. Come out of it and breathe right! That's how our children will learn to live right. 

At the end of the day the truth remains that you might be able to make sense of lines like , "Main tumhein chainn se jeene nahi doongi"(I shall not let you live in peace) and, "Hum ladka dekhne nahi, ladki dikhane jaa rahein hain," (We are not going for the selection of a groom, rather we are going there so that our girl can be selected as a bride). But your child does not. 


P.S.(Isn't it better having your child  refer to you as Ma or amma than Ma Saa. Even better, try calling your daughter Laddo and see what I mean!)

Blog award....Thanks Tammy!

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Mother. A hero or an Instinct???

Last night I was watching Uncut and Untamed on Animal Planet. I like these out of line videos. In fact last week when I was watching the horrific episode on History channel which in detail described the history of Impaling, my mother almost disowned me. (By the way she is a doctor and no novice to blood and gore) But like I always say, before anything else she is an Iyer Brahman!

Anyhow, the episode last night featured a rather gruesome fight between two grizzly bears! Aesthetically speaking it looked beautiful. The aggression and the hell hounding sound made by both was chilling. But there was more than what met the eye! In reality it was a fight between a Momma bear and a grizzly male bear...

The male bear was bigger, hungrier, nastier and had nothing to loose. The Momma bear on the other hand was alone with her cubs. The video not only captured the violence but the desperation that the mother must have felt at that time. She came charging head on and suddenly her ferocity was far more intense than the this heavy male bear. She not only attacked him but forced him to back off! And the cubs watching their mother fight soon started imitating her moves. That's how nature teaches. And that's how these kids will one day learn to defend themselves...

But talking of this force called maternal instinct, it's funny how when a society is being divided it's always the Men in one group followed by women children and the old in the other. Surprisingly whether it's the animal kingdom or the human jungle, women always have shown more prowess and yet need to prove their metal over and over again.

Almost two years back when I was working for Mumbai Mirror, I happened to interview a woman labourer in a village next to Thane. Well, she worked in one of the farmhouses as a maid. An ordinary looking woman. Rather skinny and short!

But when I was told that this woman had taken a leopard head on to save her small daughter from being devoured by the beast, I could not hide my utter shock! Draupadi Mahadev Kalmadi that's her name. An underweight maid who took the leopard by surprise, held on to him till he released her daughter from its clutches!!!

While speaking to Draupadi I desperately searched for the superwoman figure in her. But her frail body and timid voice were stopping me to see what others had already seen. Luckily I did not have to wait for too long. The minute I saw Draupadi's daughter running towards her mother, I saw how this frail body suddenly changed it's language. Her shoulders tight and her arms stretched out. Here was her pride, her love, her child! And in that moment i realised how this woman transformed from a mere maidservant to a mother who was ready to die just in order to make sure that her child lives.!

I guess, I didn't need to look further. I saw it all. I saw the mother, a figure probably more powerful than a male grizzly bear or a superwoman. As the daughter came closer, Draupadi quickly took her in her arms. Yes! Now she is safe. Now the mother is happy. Now they are together...

But you know what's the most touching part of these episodes? If you ask these mothers how? and from where? Their only answer to it would be, "That's what mothers are supposed to do."

PS (For mothers there is nothing heroic about saving their own children.!)

A Taliban lurking inside?

Recently I have had experiences that has made me wonder about how democratic our thoughts can be? Can a mere Constitution alone protect and provide without the help of its society?

Lat month a couple of instances forced me to ask this question that if given a chance how far would we go in the name of our faith, religion and belief. What is acceptable and what is not?

My dad's driver's daughter ran away and married out of her caste. The driver was informed late in the evening. He was in shock. I could see the despair in his eyes. My dad's gunman even threatened the boy but ultimately the fear of losing a daughter forever prevailed and requests were made to the couple to return home with a promise that this marriage will be solemnized with a reception.

The daughter however was scared that this might be a trap and she could be putting her husband's life in danger. I don't know what happened. The driver continues to be present at work. He salutes my dad with the same zest every morning and looks alright.

I can't imagine him killing his daughter or her husband. And then coming to work and driving my dad to court.
But what I can imagine is that if he was in a position to do something else than accepting this marriage, he would have done so. His only statement during the time of distress was, "abhi yahi gaaon mein hua hota to jinda nahi bachti." (If the same incident had happened in the village she wouldn't have been alive.)

Another marriage that made things clearer was that of a Hindu brahmin girl with a Christian adivasi boy. A registered marriage to suit everyone's convenience. (Many felt that the wedding did not deserve a gala treatment especially when it's not keeping the Hindu Brahminical sentiments in mind)
This was not the ideal match that the family had thought of. An inter-caste marriage is never easy to digest. The father of the bride after having failed to convince the girl organised a small reception. Some came and many boycotted.
People belonging from older generations said it was intolerable, while some from mine had the same view. I was present at all times.

During the time the girl was reading her vows, I happen to look at her father. His shoulders were drooping down, and there were tears in his eyes. I am sure this is not the wedding he had planned for his only daughter. But here is a man who was courageous enough to take the criticism of the society and with it made a solid statement that he will always be there with his daughter!

Looking at both incidents, my only question is why are fathers either forced to disown, kill or become meek and silent spectators if their daughters chose to marry out of their caste or religion?

Because deep down even if these fathers want to accept the situation without really adding the tragic bit, they are held guilty. The fact that a man is forced to take a stand against his own childern just to show loyalty to the norms of society is quite deplorable.

The truth remains that the girl who marries out of her caste/religion at least fades away from public memory. But the father of that girl doesn't! He can never find to redeem himself in the eyes of society. People around question/taunt or humiliate him till he too starts seeing this as a crime.

Recently the Khap Panchayat has been criticized to the core. These Taliban type courts that run their own parallel justice system ordering execution of people in the name of preserving and protecting their religion and culture have existed for long.
Ironically when a debate is started on such topics, people limit their view to the visual violence that's at hand. For example, the honour killings that are a part of all societies. whether it's related to same gotra wedding, inter-caste or inter-religion weddings.

What we don't realize is that there exists a more dangerous kind of violence that's often goes unnoticed. The psychological torture that a family is made to undergo or threatened with is what makes fathers so vulnerable. Some crumble while others disown.

Just because there is no blood shed doesn't mean this method is less cruel. A situation when a man is forced to take the view of the society and alienate his own blood cannot be that simple. A situation where he will be constantly looked down upon because his child went against the age old traditions, to say the least is not fair!
Isn't it a pity that while we openly condemn caste system, we in a way say yes to it so blatantly? We also condemn the Taliban, but the truth of the matter is that we all have that parallel government running inside of us. It's just a matter of time when it shows up. While we say we respect the Constitution, the idea of equality scares us. Whether it is between the rich and the poor, Brahmin's and non-Brahmin's or Hindus and non-Hindus. We pretend to be alright with equality, in reality it's our biggest nightmare!

So next time when we talk of Taliban and it's atrocities it would be wise to take a good look inside and spot that nerve which supplies not only blood but inane fanaticism to the Taliban within you!

PS ( The real danger of Taliban does not lie in it's action marred with blood, it lies in the very thought process which justifies or advocates it.)

Divya Jha.