United we stand, Divided we fall.

United we stand, Divided we fall!

Endless stories have taught us that moral lesson. And as children we seem to have understood it, at least learnt it in the rote method. But to everybody’s disappointment, in the present scenario, the judiciary not only endorses a divided culture and history but also flaunts it.

After 60 years a judgment on Ayodhya saw daylight. Let's just quickly glance through the before and after effect. Everyone openly agreed that violence was not an option. Everyone also agreed that no matter how lousy it sounds, let man decide on GOD!

Two days before the verdict we saw political parties appealing for peace, Bollywood actors appealing for peace, possibly dogs and cats on streets appealing for peace, therefore suddenly turning the common man of this country into the most dangerous and dreaded mind, who has nothing better than a riot to plot!. All this drama continued while kids enjoyed two day off in schools, offices worked half time (not mine) and news channels had a field day gathering TRPs’.

Anyhow, the point being, after agreeing to everything and anything we saw this judgment. Let’s give it a thought. Not a Hindu or a Muslim thought, just a thought. What did we do as a nation who already has tasted the blood of division?

Partition was given to us as a legacy by the British. We cried over it, killed over it yet carried it. Today we go back to that state of imperialism where the voice of the subaltern has been crushed forever, because today we are divided again, but not by ‘them’ but our 'own'. Many might say this is not the same as dividing people; it’s a mere division of land so that people can be united. I am sure many in this country have already convinced themselves that the judgment is for the best.

But according to me this sort of verdict only assures us of one thing, that we as a nation are still afraid to speak the truth and more importantly tell the truth because it's bitter and difficult. 


If the three judge committee agreed that the disputed land originally had a temple, it also agreed that according to the Muslim tenets a mosque cannot be built on the ruins of another religious structure, therefore  categorically pointing out that Babri Masjid cannot be recognized as a Masjid.

Last but not the least, the High Court dismissed the Waqf board’s claim on the land. And technically that's what they had to decide. Whether the claim was valid or not valid. Having dismissed it, you are in not so many words saying that there is no claim! 

So will someone explain to me that if the claim has been dismissed, then why was the decision to give 1/3 rd away made? Definitely not to build a car park for the devotees! 


Why are we scared to say what has to be said? 


The Muslim brothers too have reiterated the same point. That they would have been happier if the entire land was given away but this kind of division doesn’t solve any purpose. What it does is question the intelligence of the 1 billion plus population of this country. 

Obviously, the matter will go for appeal to the Supreme Court. And I am hoping that there someone will show some courage and announce a real verdict. Let there be a true judgment deciding for once and all whether we have the ability to hear the not so pleasant.

The media and Mr. Chidambram, are confident that India has moved on. It has grown and matured as a country. It believes that no matter what the verdict, communities will come to accept it. So how about testing this change and maturity? If we as a nation believe that we have come a long way then let’s gather the courage to hear the real verdict.

No one is impressed with the Honorable Court’s stunt as a fairy god mother trying to send every kid with a return gift from a birthday party. This is no party and that land is no gift. Let us find true honour in accepting what is right. And trust me you wouldn’t need any court for that. Let us be brave and United in acceptance.


And as citizens of this country we do expect the courts to have the courage to go all the way and announce a verdict on the basis of their findings and not on a hypothetical desire to please all. 


To accept such a verdict with dignity would mean a true shift and a dawn of a new India.

P.S. (Division in mathematics mean breaking, cutting a whole into two or many. And as shown it has different results. Let’s not justify that Math in History or Literature and call it a verdict!)

Mother of all weddings! South style!

        My summer although not over as yet seem to have taken a full circle as far as the travel map is concerned. More than a month of staying away from my bed and my bathroom has taken a toll on me and yet I believe this was another great phase!

Attending a wedding in any case doesn't sound easy! Especially if it is to take place within the family. And god save you if you have to travel to a different destination to attend it! 

All your clothes, shoes and jewelery want a place in your box! Everything looks important and there is nothing that you could possibly travel without. After having paid the excess baggage you still are mourning the absence of those endless things that you have had to leave behind. 

However my journey started way ahead of others. And as expected I had more time to shop and splurge! True it did not go down well with some, but that's where the spice comes from. No? How utterly boring a wedding or a family get together be without sparks? All under control for the best please!

This wedding season was different from the usual garish, pompous show of wealth. Not that I have a problem with such shows, as a spectator I quite like variety. And since being vain comes to me quite naturally, I like participating in them with all the glitz possible.

But when it has to be compared to early morning temple weddings with loud chants of hymns seasoned with the smell of sandalwood  and flowers, one actually gets to the importance of the ceremony. The fact that everything looks so pure and unadulterated in a way signifies the real union of the two families. Well almost!


It's not that these early morning weddings are divorced from jazz and show altogether. Right from the heavy Kanjeevaram, patta and various other kinds of silk sarees to unending designs of gold jewelery even when the prices are soaring high makes these events a must go!


While the show continues throughout the wedding and the reception, it's the family that gets a chance to come together. Best are the before wedding preparations, late night gossips, sinful indulgence in cuisines that would kill months of dieting and not to forget the unending visits to the shopping arcade.


The shopkeepers almost become like long lost family, tailors your fashion guide who hold the key to make you look different from the rest and managers of coffee shops and restaurants your personal  helpers  who know exactly how much salt and sugar goes into your meal!



And within all this commotion and attention lies the bride, her make-up and her shopping! Yes! That has to be the priority! After all this show would not go on without her!


For me it was the case of instant gratification, material gluttony and never say enough to anything! Not to miss that too irritated a few. But like I said, it was all worth it! 
The fact that one felt like a big family again where smiles were shared across the room,  sign language became the most important means of communication and wit and sarcasm  sharpened everyday just in order to keep up  with a few made this wedding an unforgettable affair.


Apart from adding more shoes, jewelery, clothes and pounds to my collection and body respectively I added moments with people I love. Captured laughter which promised to set me free and allowed my self to let go of silly tiffs which prevent me from loving what I very proudly call, "MY FAMILY".


This truly was the mother of all weddings in my family! 
To the bride and groom! Cheers.


P.S. (This piece would not have been complete without the mention of stores like Bhavani, Fazzals malls like Central,Mantri,Forum and tailors like Sadhna and Cauvery)


 

Udaan or Balika Badhu? Who is the role model NOW?

Now that I am off my hectic work schedules and irregular hours, needless to say, most of my time is spent reading, writing or merely working out.  Basically living life on my terms. I know many would find that problematic! But anyhow...

So here I was  sitting and  chatting  with my sister who surprised all of us with a visit from Bombay. She is short tempered but always manages to have a valid reason for her anger. (And that is not an excuse, especially when I am at the receiving end of things most of the times.) 


Her anger this time was directed towards the quality of TV serials that happened to be on air on various channels.

These are definitely some confusing if not interesting times that we are living in. On one hand we are talking of compulsory education for all children, we also are talking of women's reservation bill. And most importantly we are making sure that no child gets through primary or secondary school without having written a rather lengthy essay on the 'New Age Indian Woman!!!'


So what happens after that? Suddenly the entire population starts seeing the New age woman in Anandi? (Balika Badhu child star). Honestly! The Tulsis' and the Aparnas' of the world did not trouble me as much as these under aged child protagonists do. We all know that child marriage is an issue, we all agreed long time back that this is a social evil. So what exactly does the production houses hope to achieve by putting up a sloppy version of this twisted reality? 

Following the bandwagon are half a dozen shows on various entertainment channels dealing with a similar issue of marriage in the garb of trying to come out with a solution. What I don't understand is what happened to small town girls like Kalyani from the serial Udaan? She did not have to wear heavy make-up, chanderi saaris or for that matter of fact designer bindis? And she got her point across rather strongly. We learnt the importance of education, self-respect etc, etc...

I am not saying that social evils will disappear on their own if you don't talk about it. But can someone convince me that this is the only way to deal with child marriage, female-foeticide  and other existing evils??? And if so, how is it helping? By merely putting a disclaimer that these practices by no means are celebrated by the channel does not makes it go away!


As a child, I know for a fact that I did not have clarity of thoughts. If I saw Kalyani, the protagonist who was strong, hard working and committed to her cause, I believed that was the only way to grow up! I wanted to be someone like her. I wanted my father to be very very proud of me. 

What are the little girls of our times aspiring to be? Anandi? Ikcha? Or do the creators of these  serials expect  children to have the maturity and the understanding of an adult to deal with entertainment without taking it too seriously?


You dress up an under age girl. You give her fancy jewellary, great clothes and not nag her with school lessons! What you have created is not a protagonist but a virtual nightmare for mothers all over the country! Just take a look at some of the names of these serials, 'Peehar', 'Hamari Devrani', 'Choti Bahu', 'Sajan Ghar Jana hai', 'Geet Hui sabse  parayi'! I can go on and on. How liberating are these titles? And what can we possibly hope to learn or teach with the help of these great work of art??

Are you telling me that girls growing up in small towns and villages are supposed to make these  their role model?


Most of us believe that the younger generation is always a step ahead of its previous one. But I am rather ashamed to say that we as a generation have proved this to be wrong at least in the case of quality entertainment. Rather than focusing on child marriage and only marriage as the main goal of a growing up girl, I am sure we can show much more that will prove to be beneficial to them. 


Just by making a face over the hideous 'K' serials won't do! Or saying that our children understand the difference also won't take away the larger responsibility that we all have towards the children growing up in the midst of this high level drama!
These are the times when melodrama and nonsensical emotions are merely a remote control away. Switch on anything from news to entertainment. And you have the level of drama that one only saw in yesteryear Hindi films!


It's a pity that when science and technology has progressed so much. And our reach to anything is not limited, we are still hell bent in living inside our smelly and obscure closet. Come out of it and breathe right! That's how our children will learn to live right. 

At the end of the day the truth remains that you might be able to make sense of lines like , "Main tumhein chainn se jeene nahi doongi"(I shall not let you live in peace) and, "Hum ladka dekhne nahi, ladki dikhane jaa rahein hain," (We are not going for the selection of a groom, rather we are going there so that our girl can be selected as a bride). But your child does not. 


P.S.(Isn't it better having your child  refer to you as Ma or amma than Ma Saa. Even better, try calling your daughter Laddo and see what I mean!)

Blog award....Thanks Tammy!

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Mother. A hero or an Instinct???

Last night I was watching Uncut and Untamed on Animal Planet. I like these out of line videos. In fact last week when I was watching the horrific episode on History channel which in detail described the history of Impaling, my mother almost disowned me. (By the way she is a doctor and no novice to blood and gore) But like I always say, before anything else she is an Iyer Brahman!

Anyhow, the episode last night featured a rather gruesome fight between two grizzly bears! Aesthetically speaking it looked beautiful. The aggression and the hell hounding sound made by both was chilling. But there was more than what met the eye! In reality it was a fight between a Momma bear and a grizzly male bear...

The male bear was bigger, hungrier, nastier and had nothing to loose. The Momma bear on the other hand was alone with her cubs. The video not only captured the violence but the desperation that the mother must have felt at that time. She came charging head on and suddenly her ferocity was far more intense than the this heavy male bear. She not only attacked him but forced him to back off! And the cubs watching their mother fight soon started imitating her moves. That's how nature teaches. And that's how these kids will one day learn to defend themselves...

But talking of this force called maternal instinct, it's funny how when a society is being divided it's always the Men in one group followed by women children and the old in the other. Surprisingly whether it's the animal kingdom or the human jungle, women always have shown more prowess and yet need to prove their metal over and over again.

Almost two years back when I was working for Mumbai Mirror, I happened to interview a woman labourer in a village next to Thane. Well, she worked in one of the farmhouses as a maid. An ordinary looking woman. Rather skinny and short!

But when I was told that this woman had taken a leopard head on to save her small daughter from being devoured by the beast, I could not hide my utter shock! Draupadi Mahadev Kalmadi that's her name. An underweight maid who took the leopard by surprise, held on to him till he released her daughter from its clutches!!!

While speaking to Draupadi I desperately searched for the superwoman figure in her. But her frail body and timid voice were stopping me to see what others had already seen. Luckily I did not have to wait for too long. The minute I saw Draupadi's daughter running towards her mother, I saw how this frail body suddenly changed it's language. Her shoulders tight and her arms stretched out. Here was her pride, her love, her child! And in that moment i realised how this woman transformed from a mere maidservant to a mother who was ready to die just in order to make sure that her child lives.!

I guess, I didn't need to look further. I saw it all. I saw the mother, a figure probably more powerful than a male grizzly bear or a superwoman. As the daughter came closer, Draupadi quickly took her in her arms. Yes! Now she is safe. Now the mother is happy. Now they are together...

But you know what's the most touching part of these episodes? If you ask these mothers how? and from where? Their only answer to it would be, "That's what mothers are supposed to do."

PS (For mothers there is nothing heroic about saving their own children.!)

A Taliban lurking inside?

Recently I have had experiences that has made me wonder about how democratic our thoughts can be? Can a mere Constitution alone protect and provide without the help of its society?

Lat month a couple of instances forced me to ask this question that if given a chance how far would we go in the name of our faith, religion and belief. What is acceptable and what is not?

My dad's driver's daughter ran away and married out of her caste. The driver was informed late in the evening. He was in shock. I could see the despair in his eyes. My dad's gunman even threatened the boy but ultimately the fear of losing a daughter forever prevailed and requests were made to the couple to return home with a promise that this marriage will be solemnized with a reception.

The daughter however was scared that this might be a trap and she could be putting her husband's life in danger. I don't know what happened. The driver continues to be present at work. He salutes my dad with the same zest every morning and looks alright.

I can't imagine him killing his daughter or her husband. And then coming to work and driving my dad to court.
But what I can imagine is that if he was in a position to do something else than accepting this marriage, he would have done so. His only statement during the time of distress was, "abhi yahi gaaon mein hua hota to jinda nahi bachti." (If the same incident had happened in the village she wouldn't have been alive.)

Another marriage that made things clearer was that of a Hindu brahmin girl with a Christian adivasi boy. A registered marriage to suit everyone's convenience. (Many felt that the wedding did not deserve a gala treatment especially when it's not keeping the Hindu Brahminical sentiments in mind)
This was not the ideal match that the family had thought of. An inter-caste marriage is never easy to digest. The father of the bride after having failed to convince the girl organised a small reception. Some came and many boycotted.
People belonging from older generations said it was intolerable, while some from mine had the same view. I was present at all times.

During the time the girl was reading her vows, I happen to look at her father. His shoulders were drooping down, and there were tears in his eyes. I am sure this is not the wedding he had planned for his only daughter. But here is a man who was courageous enough to take the criticism of the society and with it made a solid statement that he will always be there with his daughter!

Looking at both incidents, my only question is why are fathers either forced to disown, kill or become meek and silent spectators if their daughters chose to marry out of their caste or religion?

Because deep down even if these fathers want to accept the situation without really adding the tragic bit, they are held guilty. The fact that a man is forced to take a stand against his own childern just to show loyalty to the norms of society is quite deplorable.

The truth remains that the girl who marries out of her caste/religion at least fades away from public memory. But the father of that girl doesn't! He can never find to redeem himself in the eyes of society. People around question/taunt or humiliate him till he too starts seeing this as a crime.

Recently the Khap Panchayat has been criticized to the core. These Taliban type courts that run their own parallel justice system ordering execution of people in the name of preserving and protecting their religion and culture have existed for long.
Ironically when a debate is started on such topics, people limit their view to the visual violence that's at hand. For example, the honour killings that are a part of all societies. whether it's related to same gotra wedding, inter-caste or inter-religion weddings.

What we don't realize is that there exists a more dangerous kind of violence that's often goes unnoticed. The psychological torture that a family is made to undergo or threatened with is what makes fathers so vulnerable. Some crumble while others disown.

Just because there is no blood shed doesn't mean this method is less cruel. A situation when a man is forced to take the view of the society and alienate his own blood cannot be that simple. A situation where he will be constantly looked down upon because his child went against the age old traditions, to say the least is not fair!
Isn't it a pity that while we openly condemn caste system, we in a way say yes to it so blatantly? We also condemn the Taliban, but the truth of the matter is that we all have that parallel government running inside of us. It's just a matter of time when it shows up. While we say we respect the Constitution, the idea of equality scares us. Whether it is between the rich and the poor, Brahmin's and non-Brahmin's or Hindus and non-Hindus. We pretend to be alright with equality, in reality it's our biggest nightmare!

So next time when we talk of Taliban and it's atrocities it would be wise to take a good look inside and spot that nerve which supplies not only blood but inane fanaticism to the Taliban within you!

PS ( The real danger of Taliban does not lie in it's action marred with blood, it lies in the very thought process which justifies or advocates it.)

Divya Jha.

Tongue rolls, A new workout?

I know most of you familiar with my excruciatingly painful Face book updates must think of me as finally having lost the battle between my senses and the obsession with workout itself. But relax, I still am waging the war successfully.

The tongue rolls i happen to mention has absolutely nothing to do with the hip rolls that I religiously do as my warm up routine. Seriously!

I have often wondered about the nature of our 'very own' language! (And if you think I am referring to Hindi then you need to refresh your colonial mindset). Come on, with our satellite connections now boasting of Active English lessons in the comfort of your living room, do we really fool ourselves that it's Hindi that has an upper hand?
I shall leave that debate to you.

I am more fascinated with this automatic self up gradation that seem to be happening everywhere vis-a-vis the way we speak the language. It might have started from the tinsel town but today most of us seem to follow it.

After all what is the sense in blaming one and letting go of all the others? I shall explain my point in great detail.

Take for example Aishwarya Rai Bachachan. She might have started her career with an unusually giggly noise (that may be called laughter) along with it she also did manage to speak English in a perfectly fine Indian accent. But as soon as her career graph exceeded her own height, there was a sudden shift. And I am really not bothered about her attitude. Spare me the torture!

One might as well begin with the Cannes, where the International media literally ripped her apart for her dressing sense. To move on there were various other opportunities where she shared the International platform. Whether be it the Pink Panther or Oprah Winfrey's talk show.
Miss Rai now Mrs Bachchan seem to have completely forgotten her real dialect. In her latest Lo real add, where she purrs like a cat when she says, "Girrrrllsssssss you are worrrrrrrth it" sounds rather appalling and hideous.

But why just blame her? Look at Sonam Kapoor. One can definitely not pronounce 'Pearrrrlllll' (actually pearl) the way she does in an add she claims to have bagged from Mrs Bachchan kitty.

I wonder how these women sound so utterly fake especially in the Loreal adds? I mean isn't it a pity that despite the brand being a great pay label the end result of these advertisements are quite disasterous?

Another serious observation that I have arrived to is that the minute our Hindi industry women become probable suspects of playing the next Bond girl, the roll in their tongue is quite unmatchable. I mean wow! Over a Friday night these women suddenly come up with twisters that would put real tornadoes to shame!

Now to come down to common mortals like you and I. Here I have to say not many but a few do amuse me lot. Places I have worked and people I have met during my career as a journalist only goes on to prove that while many might openly criticize the reel world for its obvious shortcomings they would not stop themselves from adopting the same.

A commonly shared joke in one of my previous workplaces was that even if an international air plane would cross over the heads of a certain group in my office their accents would go for a toss! (hahah! good one.)

No offense to anyone. My humble request to many who think an accented English would give you preference over others is only this, that it makes you look and sound foolish. For people who have a genuine American, Brit, Australian, Scottish or any other accent, continue speaking without any hesitation. What's natural and comes from the heart sounds the best! Try it! I mean that.

PS (And as far as the rolls are concerned, limit them to your waist and hip. It will do wonders.)

Shaadi Ka tamashaa. Jo jaye woh pachtaye, jo na jaye, woh bhi pachtaye!

I know I did promise to rave, rant and ridicule this great Indian wedding I attended last evening. After all, when you see something out of the box, be it an idea or bride and groom themselves it must be mentioned. If not appreciated.

Anyhow the events of the evening unfolded with its share of usual drama but also with a certain sense of mystery. Now I am no Agatha Christie nor do I have the capability to create a Hercule Poirot. But my gray cells did get to work when I entered the venue of the marriage, The New Patna Club.

While everything was set in the usual way, the huge field of the club was utilized in a rather different (I prefer Funny!) way. There stood a small round dais in the middle of the field. At the other end was the make shift stage with its gaudy looking sofa. Obviously this is where the dulha and dulhan were supposed to sit. My head still scratched with the dais. Good for me that I didn't have to wait for too long. As soon as the CM of Bihar, Mr Nitish Kumar entered, I figured, it was for him. And so I rested in peace.

We greeted the CM and I tried very hard not to go and pat his back. No matter what you say he has made this place livable again. In the midst of all this commotion I also happened to spot an old school friend. So many things happening at once and that completely got my mind on to everything and nothing!

But just as I thought that the evening had nothing more to offer, I could see the bride and the groom on that dais. And to my utter horror as soon as they stepped on it, the dais started moving in slow circular motion. So here was the couple being displayed! All they had to do now was to bring their hands to their sides with palms facing outwards, and they would have looked like characters out of the mythological drama, Jai Santoshi Ma! But that was not it, my washing machine moment was yet to come!

Yes, the slow and circular motion reminded me of the gentle churns inside the washing machine. As if that wasn't enough here came two men with a sort of plastic drain pipes the one generally found attached to a washing machine in order to drain out the dirty water, and before I could gasp for air, a vacuum cleaner sort of noise filled the filed. And wohooo, coming out of the pipe were small pieces of marigold with full force! The already circling couple were now being showered with flowers. A scene that I know would stay with me for a long time to come.

Everyone around had a sly smile on their face. And after this wedding (somehow circus is sounding better) was over, a well deserved clap did come the couple's way. It was hard to tell who was genuinely amused and who shocked!

While I have nothing against any kind of pomp and show especially when it comes to weddings because it's based on a very personal note. My only trouble is understanding the logic behind the shock value.
It must stem from the belief, the more you shock the more it stays in public memory. Or else there is no reason why two people on their special day would be paraded from one corner of the field to the other and then made to play ringa ringa roses? Only it makes a rather boring game with just two people in the circle!

PS (Although I did wait for one of them to fall down. :))

Maths doesn't teach everything!

Reading the newspaper this morning, my eyes suddenly got stuck to this headline, "Maths genius says no to $ 1million". Well! Honestly my first thought was what a fool? But immediately the money part started to loose out on consequence. And for that the credit goes to my awful maths during my own childhood. In fact, I felt pity for this mathematician who actually solved a problem posed by a French guy, needless to say another mathematician almost a century ago!

Pity isn't the only feeling that comes to my mind when I think of this Russian genius (Yes, although my current feeling seem to have overtaken his very identity, his name is Girgory Perelman), I also think that our friend here has abundance of patience and will power. I mean a century old problem??? I wish our politicians had this sort of will power and patience. And why just them? Wshen I come to think of my own life and my own set of problems, the best means I adopt is to run. Unless someone has tied me down to it and I am forced to think otherwise.
Here is a man who likes to solve problems posed by others without charging a penny! Anyhow, on reading further I also got to know that Mr Perelman was chosen for the Fields Medal, an award in the field of Maths equivalent to an Oscar, which he readily refused.

He is generally known to be a recluse and is presently jobless. He stays with his mother and sister in a small flat in St Petersbug. (Seriously all he needs is a hard knock on his head with a kalchul (spatula for those who want to behave like firangs))

And the terror of this man's life is not over yet, yes, I know like me you too must be thinking what more needs to be mentioned? Well the piece also managed to say that our bright friend here owns a spartan one bedroom flat which is full of cockroaches!

Confession time, I think I am glad I was no mathematics genius. Yes, while during my schooldays I wished I was one, today I feel quite alright turning out to be the other way.

My only piece of advice to Mr Perelman would be get that $ 1million dollar. Buy a powerful rodent spray, go on a civil war with these cockroaches and then what ever money is left donate it for world peace and order. But for now begin with your own house!

Reserved women and illmannered Men!!!

Mulayam Singh's statement is all over the news channel today. In deed it was a derogatory remark , especially when his own daughter-in-law is a part of the same political setup. Looking at the reactions of the three Yadavs whether it be Mulayam, Laloo or Sharad one sort of understands it as the insecurity of having their vote banks divided. Well, it's true. Why shouldn't the aam junta go for an educated, beautiful(if you really must think of it that way) but hardworking woman as opposed to paan spitting, uncouth and ill mannered netas?


Well I leave that choice to the larger public and will wait till the bill is passed.

But let us come to those women who the Yadavs at least claim to fight for! The women belonging to lower strata, women from minority communities and women who in actuality have never got the privilege they were promised or should have been promised!

I can speak from a rather first hand experience when I went over to Chattisgarh to cover the assembly elections 2009. Like many others when I was covering the rallies of Rahul Ghandhi and Advani, I presumed that the rural women attending them were present only because their husbands or fathers had wanted them to.
In fact I remember clearly asking a group of women who carried posters of Sonia Gandhi whether they knew who she was? I was being a city prude. (Well! I can admit that now.) But to my surprise the women not only knew who she was but in a rather nonchalant tone they answered that they were here only to see Sonia in person. And their real vote would go to BJP! Not wanting to accept defeat promptly, I asked whether their husbands would find that alright? And their reply rightly put me in my place. They said, "Humara aadmi chahe to vote na kare, ghar aur desh mein bahut antar hai." (I don't care if my husband doesn't vote. After all there is a difference between the house and the nation.)

Therefore to take their reality and understanding as granted won't do us any good. In fact if at all one has to unlearn everything so that one can really understand them.

I by noway should be understood as an advocate for the Women's bill. I am merely an advocate of this sex which should now cease to be called the 'other'. Because they are not other, we are not other!

It's important to realise their potential from their own standards. To automatically assume that we know what's good and what's not good for them is a mere act of fooling our own selves. Because all these people who make so much noise in the parliament against the Bill barely have a clue about women! Especially these women whose cause they claim to fight for!

My suggestion to theses politicians would be simple, if teasing is the trouble you think can arise, then try and make your own sex a little more human and a little more civilised . If not then the next Bill after the Women's Bill will be that of Burqa being mandatory for all women politicians! I am sure that bill might just get passed unopposed.

PS (By the way it was BJP that won the Chattishgarh assembly elections in 2009!)

March 24th. 2010.

From nitish to baigan ka bharta! Married in an Indian way!

Sitting at home far away from action makes me wonder whether it was the right time to call for a sabbatical. After all the women's bill almost lost hope but was tabled. The three day drama that unfolded before the bill even got voiced in the parliament was ironical. While some had valid concern regarding who shall benefit from this bill, others merely were governed by their own selfish motives.

Anyhow, as we all know that this is just the beginning and there are a lot of hurdles still to be crossed before the bill can be actually passed. So let's hope that while this 33 percent aims or claims to change things for the fairer sex, it also brings about the necessary changes that one has hoped for the rural and downtrodden women with almost no opportunities and no future.

But while this reservation drama was giving stiff competition to the various reality tv shows, something else caught my attention. My mother's staff came to visit her one evening. Since amma was busy in her evening puja, I attended to her first.
Shobha aunty is a mother of three proud daughters and a son. I am more fond of her cooking than anything else. It almost feels like I am eating her love. Until this, it was quite difficult for me to understand the whole concept of love mixed with food. But shobha aunty's food smells of her warmth and unconditional love.

So while I sat with her again making a list of things that I would want to eat off her hand, she happened to mention a rather funny story. Well! funny not in a humorous way though.
Her eldest daughter who was now of a marriageable age was rejected by a family which had come to see her. Before I dwell into the reasons of this rejection , I have to add that Jyoti the girl in question is a talented painter and an awesome cook. Anyhow, her quiet demeanor and feminine ways were not apt simply because one of the boy's relatives happened to ask her to name the CM of Bihar.

Honestly I am not interested whether she did have an answer at all. The point is not if any of us have an answer to any of these matter of fact questions. The point rather here is what is the kind of test that one needs to give and pass in order for an alliance called marriage.

Are we now creating another market of kunjis and crash course with ten most commonly asked question by the groom's side. From CM to UN sec general??
While it is completely alright to know and evaluate the person in front of you, how far will you go to do so? Here sits a mother giving a hundred excuses why her daughter could not say Nitish Kumar aloud. But the fact remains that she should not be made to do any of it.

If it's about a system that at least believes in giving a voice to the other sex, then let us at least pretend that we are ready to hear it too. Whether it is about choosing a life partner or a profession a woman should have the right to ask what ever she likes. So don't be surprised if the next time a boy is rejected because he doesn't know the simple recipe of how to make baigan ka bharta!

Quite a Decade!

Today was a funny day! Not so much because one of my dad's friends noticed that I turn up for my morning runs on alternate days! But because while I was driving with my brother to his class X board center, it suddenly occurred to me that more than ten years had passed since my board exams.

I took a quick glance at this young boy sitting next to me, looking ahead and sometimes into his text book. The rhythm which with his head moved somehow made me feel old. As if that in itself was not enough, I looked out of the window and saw a barrage of cars with anxious looking parents and expressionless children with textbooks, notes in their laps. I have to admit that all of a sudden I was on the other side of the youth, accompanying a ward and praying for his bright future! But then where did that leave me? Was I the old one now?

Is this how age catches up? Because I can swear that it sure didn't feel like ten years had gone by! My school uniform, the red skirt and the white blouse still hangs in my closet somewhere. While taking out my endless cocktail dresses I have had a glimpse of it now and then, they never gave me a jolt like this one!

While my parents say I am only about to enter my serious world, I know that two years away from thirty, matrimony hardly describes the term serious. Yes it might in some cultures describe, 'adjustment' while in others, a mere experience...

I think I am far into what is less cruelly called adulthood! I mean I didn't feel this way when people said , "Oh! you are no more a teenager!" That transition felt good and not like an assault. And while I may rave and rant about how I don't look like someone who is hitting 30! Or this phase is the real beginning of fun, and if Carrie Bradshaw could do it so can I?

Well! The truth is that while my skin glows today in another ten years it's going to start giving out the signs of a certain age that I would only be able to hide with makeup. And while my fun might continue at this point, I know that its days are numbered. Finally! Carrie Bradshaw existed in her not so perfect world with her not so perfect but jaw dropping men! And at all times she had Mr Big for company! Which by the way is quite a big deal!

While I might not have much of a serious account of my last ten years, I do know that the transition from a ward to a guardian happened without any noise. And when I look again at this young lad sitting next to me, I catch him stealing a glance of himslef in the review mirror! Ah! I am glad somethings don't go away with merely growing up or growing old!