Tongue rolls, A new workout?

I know most of you familiar with my excruciatingly painful Face book updates must think of me as finally having lost the battle between my senses and the obsession with workout itself. But relax, I still am waging the war successfully.

The tongue rolls i happen to mention has absolutely nothing to do with the hip rolls that I religiously do as my warm up routine. Seriously!

I have often wondered about the nature of our 'very own' language! (And if you think I am referring to Hindi then you need to refresh your colonial mindset). Come on, with our satellite connections now boasting of Active English lessons in the comfort of your living room, do we really fool ourselves that it's Hindi that has an upper hand?
I shall leave that debate to you.

I am more fascinated with this automatic self up gradation that seem to be happening everywhere vis-a-vis the way we speak the language. It might have started from the tinsel town but today most of us seem to follow it.

After all what is the sense in blaming one and letting go of all the others? I shall explain my point in great detail.

Take for example Aishwarya Rai Bachachan. She might have started her career with an unusually giggly noise (that may be called laughter) along with it she also did manage to speak English in a perfectly fine Indian accent. But as soon as her career graph exceeded her own height, there was a sudden shift. And I am really not bothered about her attitude. Spare me the torture!

One might as well begin with the Cannes, where the International media literally ripped her apart for her dressing sense. To move on there were various other opportunities where she shared the International platform. Whether be it the Pink Panther or Oprah Winfrey's talk show.
Miss Rai now Mrs Bachchan seem to have completely forgotten her real dialect. In her latest Lo real add, where she purrs like a cat when she says, "Girrrrllsssssss you are worrrrrrrth it" sounds rather appalling and hideous.

But why just blame her? Look at Sonam Kapoor. One can definitely not pronounce 'Pearrrrlllll' (actually pearl) the way she does in an add she claims to have bagged from Mrs Bachchan kitty.

I wonder how these women sound so utterly fake especially in the Loreal adds? I mean isn't it a pity that despite the brand being a great pay label the end result of these advertisements are quite disasterous?

Another serious observation that I have arrived to is that the minute our Hindi industry women become probable suspects of playing the next Bond girl, the roll in their tongue is quite unmatchable. I mean wow! Over a Friday night these women suddenly come up with twisters that would put real tornadoes to shame!

Now to come down to common mortals like you and I. Here I have to say not many but a few do amuse me lot. Places I have worked and people I have met during my career as a journalist only goes on to prove that while many might openly criticize the reel world for its obvious shortcomings they would not stop themselves from adopting the same.

A commonly shared joke in one of my previous workplaces was that even if an international air plane would cross over the heads of a certain group in my office their accents would go for a toss! (hahah! good one.)

No offense to anyone. My humble request to many who think an accented English would give you preference over others is only this, that it makes you look and sound foolish. For people who have a genuine American, Brit, Australian, Scottish or any other accent, continue speaking without any hesitation. What's natural and comes from the heart sounds the best! Try it! I mean that.

PS (And as far as the rolls are concerned, limit them to your waist and hip. It will do wonders.)

Shaadi Ka tamashaa. Jo jaye woh pachtaye, jo na jaye, woh bhi pachtaye!

I know I did promise to rave, rant and ridicule this great Indian wedding I attended last evening. After all, when you see something out of the box, be it an idea or bride and groom themselves it must be mentioned. If not appreciated.

Anyhow the events of the evening unfolded with its share of usual drama but also with a certain sense of mystery. Now I am no Agatha Christie nor do I have the capability to create a Hercule Poirot. But my gray cells did get to work when I entered the venue of the marriage, The New Patna Club.

While everything was set in the usual way, the huge field of the club was utilized in a rather different (I prefer Funny!) way. There stood a small round dais in the middle of the field. At the other end was the make shift stage with its gaudy looking sofa. Obviously this is where the dulha and dulhan were supposed to sit. My head still scratched with the dais. Good for me that I didn't have to wait for too long. As soon as the CM of Bihar, Mr Nitish Kumar entered, I figured, it was for him. And so I rested in peace.

We greeted the CM and I tried very hard not to go and pat his back. No matter what you say he has made this place livable again. In the midst of all this commotion I also happened to spot an old school friend. So many things happening at once and that completely got my mind on to everything and nothing!

But just as I thought that the evening had nothing more to offer, I could see the bride and the groom on that dais. And to my utter horror as soon as they stepped on it, the dais started moving in slow circular motion. So here was the couple being displayed! All they had to do now was to bring their hands to their sides with palms facing outwards, and they would have looked like characters out of the mythological drama, Jai Santoshi Ma! But that was not it, my washing machine moment was yet to come!

Yes, the slow and circular motion reminded me of the gentle churns inside the washing machine. As if that wasn't enough here came two men with a sort of plastic drain pipes the one generally found attached to a washing machine in order to drain out the dirty water, and before I could gasp for air, a vacuum cleaner sort of noise filled the filed. And wohooo, coming out of the pipe were small pieces of marigold with full force! The already circling couple were now being showered with flowers. A scene that I know would stay with me for a long time to come.

Everyone around had a sly smile on their face. And after this wedding (somehow circus is sounding better) was over, a well deserved clap did come the couple's way. It was hard to tell who was genuinely amused and who shocked!

While I have nothing against any kind of pomp and show especially when it comes to weddings because it's based on a very personal note. My only trouble is understanding the logic behind the shock value.
It must stem from the belief, the more you shock the more it stays in public memory. Or else there is no reason why two people on their special day would be paraded from one corner of the field to the other and then made to play ringa ringa roses? Only it makes a rather boring game with just two people in the circle!

PS (Although I did wait for one of them to fall down. :))

Maths doesn't teach everything!

Reading the newspaper this morning, my eyes suddenly got stuck to this headline, "Maths genius says no to $ 1million". Well! Honestly my first thought was what a fool? But immediately the money part started to loose out on consequence. And for that the credit goes to my awful maths during my own childhood. In fact, I felt pity for this mathematician who actually solved a problem posed by a French guy, needless to say another mathematician almost a century ago!

Pity isn't the only feeling that comes to my mind when I think of this Russian genius (Yes, although my current feeling seem to have overtaken his very identity, his name is Girgory Perelman), I also think that our friend here has abundance of patience and will power. I mean a century old problem??? I wish our politicians had this sort of will power and patience. And why just them? Wshen I come to think of my own life and my own set of problems, the best means I adopt is to run. Unless someone has tied me down to it and I am forced to think otherwise.
Here is a man who likes to solve problems posed by others without charging a penny! Anyhow, on reading further I also got to know that Mr Perelman was chosen for the Fields Medal, an award in the field of Maths equivalent to an Oscar, which he readily refused.

He is generally known to be a recluse and is presently jobless. He stays with his mother and sister in a small flat in St Petersbug. (Seriously all he needs is a hard knock on his head with a kalchul (spatula for those who want to behave like firangs))

And the terror of this man's life is not over yet, yes, I know like me you too must be thinking what more needs to be mentioned? Well the piece also managed to say that our bright friend here owns a spartan one bedroom flat which is full of cockroaches!

Confession time, I think I am glad I was no mathematics genius. Yes, while during my schooldays I wished I was one, today I feel quite alright turning out to be the other way.

My only piece of advice to Mr Perelman would be get that $ 1million dollar. Buy a powerful rodent spray, go on a civil war with these cockroaches and then what ever money is left donate it for world peace and order. But for now begin with your own house!

Reserved women and illmannered Men!!!

Mulayam Singh's statement is all over the news channel today. In deed it was a derogatory remark , especially when his own daughter-in-law is a part of the same political setup. Looking at the reactions of the three Yadavs whether it be Mulayam, Laloo or Sharad one sort of understands it as the insecurity of having their vote banks divided. Well, it's true. Why shouldn't the aam junta go for an educated, beautiful(if you really must think of it that way) but hardworking woman as opposed to paan spitting, uncouth and ill mannered netas?


Well I leave that choice to the larger public and will wait till the bill is passed.

But let us come to those women who the Yadavs at least claim to fight for! The women belonging to lower strata, women from minority communities and women who in actuality have never got the privilege they were promised or should have been promised!

I can speak from a rather first hand experience when I went over to Chattisgarh to cover the assembly elections 2009. Like many others when I was covering the rallies of Rahul Ghandhi and Advani, I presumed that the rural women attending them were present only because their husbands or fathers had wanted them to.
In fact I remember clearly asking a group of women who carried posters of Sonia Gandhi whether they knew who she was? I was being a city prude. (Well! I can admit that now.) But to my surprise the women not only knew who she was but in a rather nonchalant tone they answered that they were here only to see Sonia in person. And their real vote would go to BJP! Not wanting to accept defeat promptly, I asked whether their husbands would find that alright? And their reply rightly put me in my place. They said, "Humara aadmi chahe to vote na kare, ghar aur desh mein bahut antar hai." (I don't care if my husband doesn't vote. After all there is a difference between the house and the nation.)

Therefore to take their reality and understanding as granted won't do us any good. In fact if at all one has to unlearn everything so that one can really understand them.

I by noway should be understood as an advocate for the Women's bill. I am merely an advocate of this sex which should now cease to be called the 'other'. Because they are not other, we are not other!

It's important to realise their potential from their own standards. To automatically assume that we know what's good and what's not good for them is a mere act of fooling our own selves. Because all these people who make so much noise in the parliament against the Bill barely have a clue about women! Especially these women whose cause they claim to fight for!

My suggestion to theses politicians would be simple, if teasing is the trouble you think can arise, then try and make your own sex a little more human and a little more civilised . If not then the next Bill after the Women's Bill will be that of Burqa being mandatory for all women politicians! I am sure that bill might just get passed unopposed.

PS (By the way it was BJP that won the Chattishgarh assembly elections in 2009!)

March 24th. 2010.

From nitish to baigan ka bharta! Married in an Indian way!

Sitting at home far away from action makes me wonder whether it was the right time to call for a sabbatical. After all the women's bill almost lost hope but was tabled. The three day drama that unfolded before the bill even got voiced in the parliament was ironical. While some had valid concern regarding who shall benefit from this bill, others merely were governed by their own selfish motives.

Anyhow, as we all know that this is just the beginning and there are a lot of hurdles still to be crossed before the bill can be actually passed. So let's hope that while this 33 percent aims or claims to change things for the fairer sex, it also brings about the necessary changes that one has hoped for the rural and downtrodden women with almost no opportunities and no future.

But while this reservation drama was giving stiff competition to the various reality tv shows, something else caught my attention. My mother's staff came to visit her one evening. Since amma was busy in her evening puja, I attended to her first.
Shobha aunty is a mother of three proud daughters and a son. I am more fond of her cooking than anything else. It almost feels like I am eating her love. Until this, it was quite difficult for me to understand the whole concept of love mixed with food. But shobha aunty's food smells of her warmth and unconditional love.

So while I sat with her again making a list of things that I would want to eat off her hand, she happened to mention a rather funny story. Well! funny not in a humorous way though.
Her eldest daughter who was now of a marriageable age was rejected by a family which had come to see her. Before I dwell into the reasons of this rejection , I have to add that Jyoti the girl in question is a talented painter and an awesome cook. Anyhow, her quiet demeanor and feminine ways were not apt simply because one of the boy's relatives happened to ask her to name the CM of Bihar.

Honestly I am not interested whether she did have an answer at all. The point is not if any of us have an answer to any of these matter of fact questions. The point rather here is what is the kind of test that one needs to give and pass in order for an alliance called marriage.

Are we now creating another market of kunjis and crash course with ten most commonly asked question by the groom's side. From CM to UN sec general??
While it is completely alright to know and evaluate the person in front of you, how far will you go to do so? Here sits a mother giving a hundred excuses why her daughter could not say Nitish Kumar aloud. But the fact remains that she should not be made to do any of it.

If it's about a system that at least believes in giving a voice to the other sex, then let us at least pretend that we are ready to hear it too. Whether it is about choosing a life partner or a profession a woman should have the right to ask what ever she likes. So don't be surprised if the next time a boy is rejected because he doesn't know the simple recipe of how to make baigan ka bharta!

Quite a Decade!

Today was a funny day! Not so much because one of my dad's friends noticed that I turn up for my morning runs on alternate days! But because while I was driving with my brother to his class X board center, it suddenly occurred to me that more than ten years had passed since my board exams.

I took a quick glance at this young boy sitting next to me, looking ahead and sometimes into his text book. The rhythm which with his head moved somehow made me feel old. As if that in itself was not enough, I looked out of the window and saw a barrage of cars with anxious looking parents and expressionless children with textbooks, notes in their laps. I have to admit that all of a sudden I was on the other side of the youth, accompanying a ward and praying for his bright future! But then where did that leave me? Was I the old one now?

Is this how age catches up? Because I can swear that it sure didn't feel like ten years had gone by! My school uniform, the red skirt and the white blouse still hangs in my closet somewhere. While taking out my endless cocktail dresses I have had a glimpse of it now and then, they never gave me a jolt like this one!

While my parents say I am only about to enter my serious world, I know that two years away from thirty, matrimony hardly describes the term serious. Yes it might in some cultures describe, 'adjustment' while in others, a mere experience...

I think I am far into what is less cruelly called adulthood! I mean I didn't feel this way when people said , "Oh! you are no more a teenager!" That transition felt good and not like an assault. And while I may rave and rant about how I don't look like someone who is hitting 30! Or this phase is the real beginning of fun, and if Carrie Bradshaw could do it so can I?

Well! The truth is that while my skin glows today in another ten years it's going to start giving out the signs of a certain age that I would only be able to hide with makeup. And while my fun might continue at this point, I know that its days are numbered. Finally! Carrie Bradshaw existed in her not so perfect world with her not so perfect but jaw dropping men! And at all times she had Mr Big for company! Which by the way is quite a big deal!

While I might not have much of a serious account of my last ten years, I do know that the transition from a ward to a guardian happened without any noise. And when I look again at this young lad sitting next to me, I catch him stealing a glance of himslef in the review mirror! Ah! I am glad somethings don't go away with merely growing up or growing old!