Saturday, March 13, 2010

From nitish to baigan ka bharta! Married in an Indian way!

Sitting at home far away from action makes me wonder whether it was the right time to call for a sabbatical. After all the women's bill almost lost hope but was tabled. The three day drama that unfolded before the bill even got voiced in the parliament was ironical. While some had valid concern regarding who shall benefit from this bill, others merely were governed by their own selfish motives.

Anyhow, as we all know that this is just the beginning and there are a lot of hurdles still to be crossed before the bill can be actually passed. So let's hope that while this 33 percent aims or claims to change things for the fairer sex, it also brings about the necessary changes that one has hoped for the rural and downtrodden women with almost no opportunities and no future.

But while this reservation drama was giving stiff competition to the various reality tv shows, something else caught my attention. My mother's staff came to visit her one evening. Since amma was busy in her evening puja, I attended to her first.
Shobha aunty is a mother of three proud daughters and a son. I am more fond of her cooking than anything else. It almost feels like I am eating her love. Until this, it was quite difficult for me to understand the whole concept of love mixed with food. But shobha aunty's food smells of her warmth and unconditional love.

So while I sat with her again making a list of things that I would want to eat off her hand, she happened to mention a rather funny story. Well! funny not in a humorous way though.
Her eldest daughter who was now of a marriageable age was rejected by a family which had come to see her. Before I dwell into the reasons of this rejection , I have to add that Jyoti the girl in question is a talented painter and an awesome cook. Anyhow, her quiet demeanor and feminine ways were not apt simply because one of the boy's relatives happened to ask her to name the CM of Bihar.

Honestly I am not interested whether she did have an answer at all. The point is not if any of us have an answer to any of these matter of fact questions. The point rather here is what is the kind of test that one needs to give and pass in order for an alliance called marriage.

Are we now creating another market of kunjis and crash course with ten most commonly asked question by the groom's side. From CM to UN sec general??
While it is completely alright to know and evaluate the person in front of you, how far will you go to do so? Here sits a mother giving a hundred excuses why her daughter could not say Nitish Kumar aloud. But the fact remains that she should not be made to do any of it.

If it's about a system that at least believes in giving a voice to the other sex, then let us at least pretend that we are ready to hear it too. Whether it is about choosing a life partner or a profession a woman should have the right to ask what ever she likes. So don't be surprised if the next time a boy is rejected because he doesn't know the simple recipe of how to make baigan ka bharta!

3 comments:

  1. This guy I spoke to for the purpose of arranged marriage... The second question he asked me was whether I could cook. It was a complete put off. I did say I could make survival food so I don't sound rude... But needless to add, the IITian NRI was rejected after the first phone call. Such are the "items" you meet in the marriage market. The girl should be thankful she got rejected and didn't have to through the pains of explaining why SHE didn't marry him.

    Sheer blasphemy I tell you... But must tell you D... From what I hear now, men are more scared of rejection than women. That does say something about evolution of mankind :)

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  3. nice blog!
    however I am still unsure how long the bill will go in developing country! what we need is best people to become mps not depending on sex ,cast or faith, being a mp is not less thn being CEO of a big firm, and these positions should go to best deserving ones, In no way I mean am against women in parliament, i would love to see 50% of them there, but i cant understand ingenuity of quota system,the person who has worked most for people in particular area should get elected, the person who as vision and will to change the society for better.... we cant have quotas in this...
    I guess founders of our constitution understood this thats why this provision wasnt made then... even when there was provision based on other criteria..
    And now we live in a age where we can opt for better ways to do it ..quota system is out of time...its emotionally appealing better practically we can do these reforms with better methods
    we should understand the need uplift status of women in rural areas and work on it, but this way, seems like a game-plan in bigger picture...rather we should law to have that level of quota workforce of country, but in the areas which are highly skilled there should be no reservations only programs and initiatives to help the weaker section(cast, sex or faith wise) to improve and get skilled to required level or otherwise general people would not get what they deserve...
    yea i would also like to say it doesnt mean general people are getting what they deserve..but we should try to take step forward ..not backwards... lets focus on making everyone equal...

    way in our struggle to remove biasses from society lets not make it funnier by completely going against one sex! people should work for equality...

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